So long Christmas...hello New Year

Another Christmas is done and gone. We spent a lovely Christmas Eve with my parents followed by Christmas Day with the in-laws. We got lucky and had limited exposure to kids...so our Christmas was actually pretty enjoyable. We got to spend lots of time with our nephews. We got lots of cuddles and love!

Snowy Sunday we spent with my family. We went to our favorite Mexican place for lunch. After lunch, we stopped at Blockbuster and got a few movies to entertain us while the snow fell. That afternoon we spent watching Toy Story 3, Despicable Me, and Inception as well as eating tons of junk food! It was a nice way to spend a snowy (blizzardy) afternoon!

Monday I had off from work and hubby got to join me! His office was closed due to the snow so we cuddled on the couch with the dog and read the day away (with shoveling breaks of course!)

Neither of us wanted to go back to work today, but we have to pay for those fertility treatments somehow! So, off we went!

On the fertility front, I am getting ready to ovulate again. We'll see if I ovulate at a convenient clinic time or not! We're not sure if we'll be able to do an IUI or not. In other fertility news, I finally set up an appointment with Dr. Castlebaum, the RE recommended to me by a friend. We set it for March 5. So, if we don't have any luck by that time, we'll head off to the RE and get things rolling!

The beginning...

Well, AF decided to join us once again. Yup, I got AF for christmas this year. I am not really sad...I am hopeful once again for this cycle. I am not sure if we can do an IUI this cycle because if my cycle goes the way it has been, I should be ovulating sometime around New Year's...when the clinic is closed. Regardless, we'll still try.

All the anger towards certain family members is out of me. I am now ready to just focus on the important thing...growing a good lining and a mature egg. I am focusing on the positive rather than dwelling on the negative in life.

Starting tomorrow...I have 5 days off. I can't remember that last time I had 5 days off in a row! I am so EXCITED! I have things to get done around the house and places to go, of course, but I also will have time to sit and read and relax! Just what the acupuncturist ordered!

IUI#1 is

a big fat negative...just as I thought it would be. Still I can't help but feel a little sad. I guess in the back of my head there is always room for a miracle to happen. But, the test was stark white. So, we're onto IUI#2...hopefully better timed. I am just not sure when it will happen. I have a feeling that my next ovulation should be over New Year's...when the clinic is closed...so we might have a wait.

I made it through the first family party last night. Luckily no babies there and no pregnancy announcements. Now I just have one more to get through before we can relax. Oh, and yup, just to twist the knife in my heart...I will have AF for Christmas....not the baby I asked for...

The inevitable...

I started to spot today...I have a feeling that AF is on her way. :( I am going to test on Sunday morning, but I think I already know what the answer is...

A crazy lady has invaded my body

I've been feeling pretty symptom free since my last post...no cramping...no bleeding. The only major symptom has been me being irrationally emotionally. I have noticed I am a bit short tempered and quick to cry. I have had this before with pms, so it isn't a totally new thing for me...but it has been a long time since I experienced it. I have the usual breast swelling, bloat, and fatigue that I get every month with my progesterone.

I test in a few more days. I really am not expecting good news on that front. But I guess I could be wrong.

Feeling better

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces.
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here.
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say, it's all right.

The spotting has finally stopped. It stopped around noon yesterday. It is amazing how much of an affect on my mood spotting has. When it stopped I suddenly felt my mood lift. The cramping continued all day and I have say it was pretty wicked. I have a small amount of cramping today, but I can deal with cramps. It was all the bleeding that concerned me...even if it was brown blood.

Now I am just trying to keep my mind off the 2 week wait. Seriously...my acupuncturist and hubby told me I have to take it easy and keep my mind occupied. Luckily, this time of year is so busy anyway that it won;t be hard to do. Tonight hubby, my sister, and I are going to Holly Night..a Christmas festival nearby. Saturday morning I will be baking cookies with my mom and cousins. Saturday night I am working my usual shift at the restaurant. Sunday I am in NYC bridesmaid dress shopping with my future sister-in-law. If anything, I am concerned that I will just be exhausted on Monday morning!

Could it be?

I think my spotting may have actually stopped. [Knocking on wood]. The cramps are continuing on, but I can deal. At least I am no longer bleeding.

Now, how can I get a window installed into this uterus of mine? I would really like to be able to see what is going on in there?

A little hope with a little help from my friends

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends

Yesterday I was in a rotten, negative mood. Spotting always seems to put me in that mind set. And yesterday marked day 3 of spotting. I've also been having some cramping on and off since Monday's IUI.

Hubby and my acupuncturist keep telling me not to worry about it. The procedure was a bit invasive. The doctor had a hard time getting the catheter into my cervix, so obviously my cervix is just irritated and letting me know it. The spotting is becoming less each day although I think the cramping is getting worse. My cramps actually woke me up this morning. I think it is all pretty normal after an IUI though.

I had a nice acupuncture session last night. IT was completely different from the other ones I have had..he had needles in my ears, the top of my head, ankles, and legs. Nothing in the abdomen. He told me that I won't have any more sessions until I know the outcome of my IUI. As I left he told me to take it easy, get lots of rest, and just keep myself distracted for the next week or so. I plan on doing just that!

I think hubby and the acupuncturist are rubbing off on me. I am not in the dark, depressed place that I was yesterday. A glimmer of hope has entered into me.

IUI#1...done

Well, our first IUI is done. It was a natural cycle so I had to keep testing for my LH surge...which happened on Saturday afternoon...just when I didn't want it too! I think the IUI was probably timed too late due to a schedule issue. I did the IUI on the day of my temp rise which was 48 hours after I had the start of my surge. The doctor told me the day before would have been optimal (not that the clinic was open) but that we still had a chance, so we went for it. At least hubby and I "covered the bases" with the surge. So, hopefully between the IUI and our efforts at home, we'll get a positive.

So, now we just wait. I have to test on Christmas eve...hopefully I won't fall apart completely if I get a BFN as Christmas day I will be spending with tons of kids.

I go back to Andy for an acupuncture appointment tomorrow. If I am going to do this, I might as well try and give myself the best chances possible.

Watching paint dry

That's how I feel about the phase of my cycle I am in right now. I feel like I am watching the paint dry while I wait for that + opk. If it is like last month, then I should get a surge on Sunday and ovulate on Monday sometime. But, as we all know, my ovulation day has been known to move around. We'll see what happens. I am totally afraid that I won't be able to get off from work or that I will miss my surge or something. Hopefully I am wrong on all accounts!

My acupuncturist is feeling really good about our upcoming IUI. I am trying not to get myself too excited over it. It's not that I don't want it to work...it's just I don't want to be crushed if it doesn't work...especially with it being Christmas. I had a really good session last night. I felt very calm and relaxed and my whole body felt like it was buzzing! It was just what I needed.

Onto the next step...IUI#1

Roll up and that's an invitation
Roll up for the Mystery Tour
Roll up to make a reservation
Roll up for the Mystery Tour
The Magical Mystery Tour is waiting to take you away
Waiting to take you away.

Well, that mean Aunt Flow showed up right on time. (Big Surprise, huh?) So, we're onto our first IUI cycle. To make it official, I stopped by the doctor's office and grabbed the lovely sterile plastic cup that hubby will need in order to make his contribution to the process.

Hubby spoke to his boss about the situation since we aren't sure exactly when he will need to take off from work for this procedure. His boss was really understanding as some of her friends have gone through the same thing. It definitely helps to have her willing to work with hubby's schedule.

We have decided not to tell anyone in the family what we are planning to do. We just don't want everyone to have their hopes up. If it works, we'll be thrilled. But, if it doesn't we don't want to bum everyone for Christmas.

The doctor is having me do an unmedicated cycle this month as he is pleased with my ovulation at this time. So, basically, when I get a positive ovulation test, I call the office and they schedule me for an iui.

I am praying hard that all goes as planned. Hopefully I ovulate normally, DH has enough sperm that day, we can get into the doctor easily, etc.) We're both a bit nervous about it as we haven't been through this before.

I bought special socks for my IUI. I know its silly, but since my part of the procedure is basically hanging out half naked, I decided to get myself something to help make me feel happy during the IUI. Hubby told me he is going to wear his lucky SA underwear. I know its silly to do these things, but I guess we are desperate!

Just another day in Trying-To-Conceive Land

I haven't posted recently because honestly there isn't much to post. Hubby's butt is starting to feel less sore. And (until this morning) he was also feeling better. This morning he vomited but it may be a stomach bug that is going around. Overall, we think his body is getting used to the medication.

I called the doctor's office to find out how much an IUI would cost us. The lady didn't have the exact numbers in front of her, but she said that it was approximately $100 for the IUI and something less than $100 for the sperm wash.

We tried on our own (again) this month, so hopefully, we won't have to do an IUI. But with our track record, we're planning on an IUI next month. We're still not sure how the whole procedure will work, but at least we know it won't break the bank to try it.

I am once again in the 2 week wait. I guess because I know the chances of my being pregnant are so low, I haven't been paying too much attention to any twinges I may or may not be feeling. I think this cycle is another bust, but I suppose that miracles do happen every day!