Feeling better

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces.
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here.
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say, it's all right.

The spotting has finally stopped. It stopped around noon yesterday. It is amazing how much of an affect on my mood spotting has. When it stopped I suddenly felt my mood lift. The cramping continued all day and I have say it was pretty wicked. I have a small amount of cramping today, but I can deal with cramps. It was all the bleeding that concerned me...even if it was brown blood.

Now I am just trying to keep my mind off the 2 week wait. Seriously...my acupuncturist and hubby told me I have to take it easy and keep my mind occupied. Luckily, this time of year is so busy anyway that it won;t be hard to do. Tonight hubby, my sister, and I are going to Holly Night..a Christmas festival nearby. Saturday morning I will be baking cookies with my mom and cousins. Saturday night I am working my usual shift at the restaurant. Sunday I am in NYC bridesmaid dress shopping with my future sister-in-law. If anything, I am concerned that I will just be exhausted on Monday morning!

Could it be?

I think my spotting may have actually stopped. [Knocking on wood]. The cramps are continuing on, but I can deal. At least I am no longer bleeding.

Now, how can I get a window installed into this uterus of mine? I would really like to be able to see what is going on in there?

A little hope with a little help from my friends

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends

Yesterday I was in a rotten, negative mood. Spotting always seems to put me in that mind set. And yesterday marked day 3 of spotting. I've also been having some cramping on and off since Monday's IUI.

Hubby and my acupuncturist keep telling me not to worry about it. The procedure was a bit invasive. The doctor had a hard time getting the catheter into my cervix, so obviously my cervix is just irritated and letting me know it. The spotting is becoming less each day although I think the cramping is getting worse. My cramps actually woke me up this morning. I think it is all pretty normal after an IUI though.

I had a nice acupuncture session last night. IT was completely different from the other ones I have had..he had needles in my ears, the top of my head, ankles, and legs. Nothing in the abdomen. He told me that I won't have any more sessions until I know the outcome of my IUI. As I left he told me to take it easy, get lots of rest, and just keep myself distracted for the next week or so. I plan on doing just that!

I think hubby and the acupuncturist are rubbing off on me. I am not in the dark, depressed place that I was yesterday. A glimmer of hope has entered into me.

Feeling down

I am just not feeling optimistic today. I was yesterday, but today I just feel sad. I guess I just feel like it isn't going to work today. That things were too messed up. It doesn't help that I am still spotting a bit. That always makes me sad.

I miscounted on the calendar...I test closer to the 17th not Christmas eve which is good. It will give me some time to recover before facing gaggles of kids if it is a BFN. Now I just need to keep busy to try and avoid thinking about the elephant in the room.

God how I hate how emotional this journey is...I am so tired of the highs and lows of infertility.

Tonight I have acupuncture...maybe that will help me to feel better!

A tough weekend

It was a tough "infertility" weekend. I arrived at work on Saturday night to find that a co-worker is pregnant with her second "oops" baby. She is thrilled and I am happy for her, but I have to admit that it hurts. I tried hard to smile for her and be happy for her, but I know that it dampened my spirits.

Later that weekend, we were hanging out with my MIL and were discussing medical expenses. She was complaining about hers and I told her we understand as none of our fertility treatments are covered. She told us, "well, it doesn't matter because you don't need them." I don't know if she is in deep denial or just doesn't understand the situation, but I couldn't believe that she said that after all we have been through. She knows the sperm count situation and while it has improved we're no where near to normal! I just felt totally discounted. I know I am being overly sensitive, but I guess I just want some sympathy of some kind. I am tired of being a strong, silent sufferer. I just want my baby.

IUI#1...done

Well, our first IUI is done. It was a natural cycle so I had to keep testing for my LH surge...which happened on Saturday afternoon...just when I didn't want it too! I think the IUI was probably timed too late due to a schedule issue. I did the IUI on the day of my temp rise which was 48 hours after I had the start of my surge. The doctor told me the day before would have been optimal (not that the clinic was open) but that we still had a chance, so we went for it. At least hubby and I "covered the bases" with the surge. So, hopefully between the IUI and our efforts at home, we'll get a positive.

So, now we just wait. I have to test on Christmas eve...hopefully I won't fall apart completely if I get a BFN as Christmas day I will be spending with tons of kids.

I go back to Andy for an acupuncture appointment tomorrow. If I am going to do this, I might as well try and give myself the best chances possible.

Watching paint dry

That's how I feel about the phase of my cycle I am in right now. I feel like I am watching the paint dry while I wait for that + opk. If it is like last month, then I should get a surge on Sunday and ovulate on Monday sometime. But, as we all know, my ovulation day has been known to move around. We'll see what happens. I am totally afraid that I won't be able to get off from work or that I will miss my surge or something. Hopefully I am wrong on all accounts!

My acupuncturist is feeling really good about our upcoming IUI. I am trying not to get myself too excited over it. It's not that I don't want it to work...it's just I don't want to be crushed if it doesn't work...especially with it being Christmas. I had a really good session last night. I felt very calm and relaxed and my whole body felt like it was buzzing! It was just what I needed.