Some days are easier than others when you are dealing with infertility. Usually being around kids and moms doesn't bother me. But now and then, when we've had disappointing news or I'm having a down day, it's just too hard to be around them. Some days the tears just flow and my heart feels completely broken. It's not anyone's fault that I am this way. No one stole our fertility...but some days babies serve as a reminder of what we are missing from our lives. Some people just don't get that. When I tell you about the latest dismal results from some test, it doesn't help to tell me that I should just adopt...or all about your kids...or that I should go take care of my nephews to fill the void. Yes, most days I enjoy playing with them, but some days they just remind me of my pain.
Are our lives horrible? No, I can certainly think of worse things to be told than you can't have a baby. Incurable cancer springs to mind. But, our lives do feel incomplete. And I think that is what bothers both of us...that we aren't sure if that incomplete feeling will ever go away. If we can't have kids naturally, fertility treatments and adoption both cost SO much money...it just seems too impossible most days.
We keep praying for answers to our solutions...hopefully God will answer our prayers sooner rather than later.
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