Friday, June 25, 2010

Thank you, God!

Little darling
I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling
It seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right

Hubby got a job offer today! He has been unemployed for 6 months now. I cannot even tell you how relieved and happy I feel right now. I am walking on a cloud! The job doesn't pay as much, but it so close to home and they will be giving him some vacation days to start off with, so he will be able to make his follow-up fertility appointment in October.

Yesterday's appointment and this good news today makes me feel like things are finally changing for the all of these struggles may finally be coming to an end. I feel so blessed by God right now. Do we still have a hard road ahead of us...yup. But I feel that we can do it!

God, I don't know what your plan is for us, but thank you for lifting the heavy burden on our shoulders. I know that you will never give me more than I can handle and I was contemplating the other day just how much more I could take. Thank you for hearing my cries and relieving some of this pain. Please continue to guide us in our quest for parenthood. I know anything is possible through you.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I bought this...

So, I broke down and bought the damn fertility monitor. Not that I think its really going to show anything different than the opk. I am just tired of holding my pee in the afternoon so that I can take an OPK when I get home from work. With this monitor, I will be able to use FMU. We'll see if I end up liking it, but I am desperate and at this point, I'll do anything.

Damn, infertility...makes you buy all these things that will later sit useless in the closet!

Follow-up with good-old Gyno

So every day we'll be happy I know
Now I know that you won't leave me no more

It won't be long yeh, yeh, yeh
It won't be long yeh, yeh

I had a follow-up appointment with my gyno today. I haven't seen him since last November or December when he prescribed 100mg of clomid. At that point we found out that hubby's sperm count did not return. We've spent all this time trying to get hubby's issues on the right track, so it's time for me to start looking at my LPD.

I brought hubby along this time to meet the doctor. We sat down and discussed everything that has happened in the last 6 months and what the course of treatment will be for my husband. Then we discussed what needs to happen for me. At this point, he wants to hold off doing an HSG until we have a good enough number for an IUI. When we get a good enough SA, I'll schedule the HSG. He is referring me to a friend of his, an RE, who can do an IUI for us when we have good enough numbers. Although I still have to meet with the RE, he predicts we will probably do 100mg of clomid + progesterone supplements for the IUI as my P4 levels were only 8.6 (low, but showing that I did ovulate). The doctor was very reassuring. He said assuming hubby's numbers come back (which chances are pretty good according to both my doctor and hubby's), he thinks we will be able to have our own child. It's always good to hear that news.

My doctor also was able to refer us to a local lab where hubby can give the deposit he needs to for the SA. It will avoid us a long train ride and just be easier for us to schedule.

My doctor also told me to keep going to acupuncture. He said acupuncture can do great things and that he has patients that have gotten pregnant through acupuncture. So, keep on going...especially since I seem to be ovulating earlier in my cycle with the acupuncture. (Twice I have ovulated on day 17 instead of day 20+). And the doc also said to keep on trying on our own in the meantime...he said maybe as hubby's numbers come up, things will work out on their own. But at least we have a plan for the future. It makes me feel better!

As for acupuncture, I have graduated to every other week now. My acupuncturist thinks that should be adequate. It will save us some serious cash. He thinks hubby would benefit from weekly right now as he is transitioning off the meds, but hubby should be able to go to every other week in a month or so. Yippee!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Long sleepless night

It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log

Poor hubby has now entered the dangerous emotional crazy zone that I am in. My period has left me feeling quite tired and emotional this month. Unfortunately, at the same time, hubby's testosterone detox has also entered the emotional stage. The two of us can burst into tears at any time for no apparent reason. We can also get angry in about 2 seconds flat. Luckily, my symptoms should be gone in a few days...hopefully it will be the same for hubby. As he said, "I now know how a woman feels once a month..."

Last night neither of us slept. It wasn't because either of us are worried or anything. Poor hubby had a severe headache from heat and testosterone withdrawal. I kept tossing and turning from the heat, cramps, and nightmares. At one point I believe we were both crying. I have a new rule...only one of us can be hormonal at a time. On the upside, I think we are doing a good job of just giving each other the space and support when it is needed even though we both feel like poop.
We're both exhausted today. Hopefully, acupuncture will help both of us tonight. If nothing else, it should help us to sleep better.

On the way home, I want to grab a care package for our friends. Our friend Natalie is in premature labor. She is only 30 weeks along, so we're all praying that they can hold off labor for awhile longer and give the baby a better chance. She had her first child quite early as well...I believe 8 weeks. I want to make up a little care package of magazines, chocolate, and a card to help her through her hospital stay.

On the upside, hubby has another job interview next week. Hopefully, it will be THE one.

Monday, June 14, 2010

6 years....

Good day sunshine, good day sunshine, good day sunshine

I need to laugh, and when the sun is out, I've got something I can laugh about

I feel good, in a special way, I'm in love and it's a sunny day

Good day sunshine, good day sunshine, good day sunshine

Saturday marked our wedding anniversary. We have been married for 6 years now. It's so hard to believe. We've been through so much in those six years...good and bad...losing people we loved to cancer, three moves, buying our first home, becoming an aunt and uncle, saying goodbye to our first dog, raising a puppy together, job loss, and now infertility...

I feel truly blessed to have such a warm, caring, compassionate partner in life. I know that no matter what may come, we're in it together. On the days when I am weak and tired from infertility, my husband lifts me up and tells me we WILL have a family. And on the days he is too tired, I do the same for him.

I love you, baby! I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


If you are down he'll pick you up, Doctor Robert
Take a drink from his special cup, Doctor Robert
Doctor Robert, he's a man you must believe
Helping every one in need

My poor hubby is going through the withdrawal effects of stopping the testosterone. The doctor told him he would probably be a bit miserable while his body adjusts and he was not lying. Hubby has been feeling a bit dizzy and a bit "out of body." He had the same effects when he went on testosterone. Hopefully, by the end of the week, he'll be feeling better!

I love you, honey! I thank you for doing all of this for our family.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Things I LOVE...

my nephews...

We stopped by to see my sister-in-law and nephews after our appointment on Friday. The oldest was taking a nap, but we got to see the baby. He was just smiling and talking away at us! Holding him I just felt so much love! Nothing beats that feeling.

The oldest called his Uncle (my hubby) to thank him for a book he dropped off and to tell hubby that "going poop on the potty is tricky." He's almost 3 and has just started the potty training process...that kid always makes me laugh!

Things I want...

I don't think this fertility bracelet has any magic powers or anything, but its pretty and it can't hurt...right? It was an expensive week last got sick, central air died and needed to be fixed, etc, so I don't even want to spend $10 right now, but maybe next paycheck I will go for it!

Another wait

You left me waiting here a long, long time ago.
Don't keep me standing here, lead me to your door.

We finally went to the male infertility specialist at the University of Pennsylvania hospital on Friday. We waited almost 6 months to get in. We hopped the train early in the morning and were right on time for our appointment.

The doctor(Dr. H) was very friendly and thoughtful. He carefully went through all of hubby's medical records and asked questions. He basically told us that the urologist did things the wrong way. First of all, Dr S, the urologist, should have been testing and retesting hubby's testosterone before he put hubby on any medication. Dr. S should never have gone off of one low test. Secondly, Dr. S should have never have put hubby on testosterone replacement therapy knowing we were trying to conceive. And in particular, he shouldn't have put hubby on testopel since not much is really known about it yet.

At first, Dr H didn't think hubby had hypogonadism, but when hubby said that he has been getting more hair on his body with the testosterone replacement therapy, it changed his mind. Dr H explained that you won't have any more hair than you are genetically programmed to have with testosterone therapy. Basically, he said he thinks hubby went 99% of the way through puberty, but his body for some reason didn't complete that last 1%. Thus the reason he is finally getting hair on his chest. So hubby probably does have hypogonadism but a more mild form of it.

So what is next? Hubby has to go off the testosterone replacement therapy that he was on to maintain testosterone levels. After being off of this for 8 weeks, hubby has to go get a blood test for 2 months. This is to establish what his baseline levels are...something that the urologist should have done a long time ago. Then, in that second month, Dr H wants hubby to get a follow-up SA to see where that stands. Finally, we will return for an appointment on October 28. The doctor speculates that at that time, he will have enough information to start hubby on HCG injections. It will basically trigger his own body to produce testosterone and sperm. It will be a 2 to 3 time a week self-injection. Dr H said he will teach him how to do it. When asked what success rates are like, Dr H said he is pretty confident that he can restore Hubby's fertility to what it was...approximately 40 million.

So, now we are once again waiting...but at least we have a plan for hubby's treatments. Hubby looked so relieved. I think he thought we would hear that there was no hope.

Unfortunately, as the doctor predicted, stopping the testosterone has made hubby feel pretty crummy over the last 3 days. He is dizzy and light-headed. That is what he felt when he was starting the testosterone so it makes sense. Hopefully, he'll be feeling better soon. And I have to do something about myself soon...a visit to the gyno or an RE...leaning towards the RE. Of course every time I think acupuncture isn't working, I see some progress. I ovulated on Day 17 again this month. We'll see what the luteal phase is like.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

And then we came home...

How do you do
what you do to me?
I'm feeling blue,
wish I knew how you do it to me
but I haven't a clue.

Well, after a lovely 3 days at the shore, I came back to crap. First night back the central air stopped working (in the middle of a heatwave). We got that fixed yesterday only to wake up this morning to the dog having blood in her pee. If things come in threes, then I am most scared to do to hubby's specialist appointment tomorrow.

I need to relax...I's just been a very costly week. And I am totally scared of the news we may get tomorrow.