Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I think I am going crazy

I started to spot brown yesterday. I am so frustrated with my body right now. My temp was higher this morning, 98.13. So, I took a FRER. Within 3 minutes there was a faint second line, but it was so faint I couldn't tell if there was color or not. All I can think is that it is an evap line of some kind. And of course now I am at work questioning whether or not it was an evap line or a faint BFP. I guess I will test again tomorrow. I think it's gonna be a BFN though with all of this spotting and not much in the way of symptoms.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


We're going out for an official "Happiness is 23 million swimmers" dinner. It's not going to be anything fancy. Just me, hubby, and a cheap dinner. We know it's not a BFP, but any improvement in our fertility needs to be celebrated!

Let's dance and shout!

So every day we'll be happy I know
Now I know that you won't leave me no more

It won't be long yeh, yeh, yeh
It won't be long yeh, yeh
It won't be long yeh, till I belong to you, woo

I am literally dancing in my seat right now. We finally got some good news on the fertility front! Hubby and I went to the University of Pennsylvania Hospital Fertility clinic for an in-office semen analysis on Tuesday. Hubby was SO nervous...about performing in the office (which wasn't an issue) and what the results were going to be. I guess I was thinking about the results when I went to bed on Tuesday night as well, because I had a dream that they told us that hubby's results were 20 million.

This morning hubby called for the initial results. Morphology isn't completed yet, but so far the news is SO encouraging.

2.5 ml total volume – anything over 2 is normal

9 million swimmers per ml so he said the total number in the total volume of 2.5ml is 23 million! That's a far cry from the 5 dead swimmers they saw last March.

Of that 57% motility(that’s the number that swim in a straight line) – he said that anything over 50% is good

The only thing they won’t have until next week is the morphology which is normal vs. abnormal.

We are OVER THE MOON! This is the first good news we have had in such a long time! We go back to the male reproductive endocrinologist next week. Then we will discuss treatment and the final results. I don't know if it is hubby's body naturally getting back to work since discontinuing the meds or acupuncture or just our prayers being answered, but we finally feel like we are moving in the right direction. Hopefully, it won't be long until we are either naturally pregnant or have an IUI that results in pregnancy! Hubby tells me to dream about a BFP...maybe that dream will come true, too!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Nervously awaiting

I want you
I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad
It's driving me mad
It's driving me mad

We're nervously awaiting hubby's next semen analysis. It's tomorrow morning. We're both trying hard not to think about it, but somehow it's possible outcome is all we can think about today. I keep telling myself (and hubby) that even if there is no improvement, it's not a big deal because he hasn't started the treatment yet. We know that mentally. But we also both know our hearts will be crushed with another utterance of "no sperm." We both want a child so badly...it's always on our minds.

Last week was such an odd week...lots of stress at work. I ovulated early but spotted for about 5 days around ovulation which totally threw me off. If hubby has some sperm in there, we timed things well, but my confidence in my own body is lower this month after all that spotting. I know a million different reasons for spotting, but it still doesn't comfort me. It didn't help that in the midst of my spotting I had to go to a party where I was once again the only childless woman. In a sea of moms, I sat there thinking about how my body was failing me once again and how I long for the things that these moms are complaining about.

So today, I have said about a million prayers...a prayer that we make it safely to the clinic...a prayer that hubby will be able to perform his test without an issue...a prayer that we will get good results...and as always...a prayer for conception to happen this month.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Ovulating early?

Come together, right now
Over me

I think I may be ovulating a lot earlier than usual. I have been getting a high reading on my monitor for the last few days. I started cramping and spotting yesterday and took an OPK in the afternoon and got 2 blaring positives. (I used a regular strip and then figured I must be wrong and used a digital.)I also had the usual ovulation pain. This morning I still only got a high on my monitor. Maybe my monitor just missed the surge...I'm not quite sure. It's so odd to be getting + on an opk on CD 10. It wasn't that long ago that I was ovulating on day 20!

But then this whole cycle has been weird. I usually don't spot mid-cycle. It started after an evening of "together" time so I guess my cervix got a little irritated or something. I don't have any pain, so I am not worrying about. If it keeps up, then I will get it checked out. I also am getting over a cold. I thought if anything the cold would push back ovulation, not move it up! And I don't know if my body is going to be successful at it. I mean, I don't have my temp spike yet. Hopefully I will get it tomorrow or so.

Poor hubby has caught the cold I had...you know at the critical time when I need him to perform. I feel so bad for him. He has been a trooper and he told me he wants to catch this egg so he wants to try. I am leaving it up to him. I certainly don't expect him to go through all of this with a cold.

Starting Friday he has to abstain in preparation for his next semen analysis. God, I hope that we get some kind of good news! We could really use it!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Just to make life more interesting...

I now have a cold. It has been going around the office and I managed to avoid it for awhile, but now my body has finally given in and decided to make my life hell...just as I am at my busiest point of the year. You know...already working my butt off to make a deadline and having something to do every night for the next 2 weeks. Thank you, body! Oh, and I am sure I will still have it when I am ovulating next week (just as DH is supposed to start abstaining for his SA.) Needless to say, I am not expecting a BFP this month. Hopefully, we'll get some good news with his SA and doctor's appointment!

Monday, October 4, 2010

He gets me through the day

Honey pie, Honey pie
Honey pie, Honey pie
Honey pie, Honey pie
Honey pie, Honey pie
I love you

Aunt Flow has stopped by for a visit once again. I have to say, since starting the progesterone, I am liking Aunt Flow's appearance much more. I am no longer guessing as to whether this is spotting or my period.

Along with Aunt Flow, came Cousin Cramp and Friendly Fatigue. I was EXHAUSTED on Saturday and of course it was an extremely busy night at the restaurant. I was really feeling it on Sunday.

And so...my hubby swept in and made everything better. He warmed my heating pad, made me comfortable and got me ice cream when I needed it. I couldn't have married a better man!

Friday, October 1, 2010

The dream...

My mother-in-law called us last night. Apparently she had a dream that I was pregnant and she was calling to see if it is was true. Oh, how I wish it was...I truly wish I have that gift to give our parents for Christmas this year...especially since my brother is moving away this month. I can only hope and pray it will happen for us soon.