Burn, baby, burn

Uggg...I don't know what it going on this month. I am not pregnant as I get a BFN at 14dpo. However, my nipples feel like they are burning. They aren't chaffed or anything. It feels internal.

I had so many plans for Sunday, but honestly, I am just TOO tired. I have been seriously lacking energy since I started on progesterone. I know it's normal when that drug is in your system, but it makes me so frustrated. I have so much to get done and not nearly enough time to do it. Even hubby has noticed the cycle of fatigue related to...well...my cycle. Unfortunately, I don't think things are going to get any better with any of the other fertility meds that are probably in store for me.

Speaking of fertility meds, poor hubby's butt is SO sore right now from one of his last injections. We're not sure why this particular injection is so sore, but it is not a happy camper!

And on a side note, I had one of the Discovery channels on last night. A show came on about a woman who gave birth to 2 sets of identical twins. Guess who her fertility doctor was...yup Dr. Castelbaum...our soon-to-be doctor. I was totally shocked when I heard his name. Hubby was a little worried that we may end up the same way, but the show explained that it was 1 in 1 million chance of it happening, so I think he feels confident in the doctor's abilities again!

IUI#1 is

a big fat negative...just as I thought it would be. Still I can't help but feel a little sad. I guess in the back of my head there is always room for a miracle to happen. But, the test was stark white. So, we're onto IUI#2...hopefully better timed. I am just not sure when it will happen. I have a feeling that my next ovulation should be over New Year's...when the clinic is closed...so we might have a wait.

I made it through the first family party last night. Luckily no babies there and no pregnancy announcements. Now I just have one more to get through before we can relax. Oh, and yup, just to twist the knife in my heart...I will have AF for Christmas....not the baby I asked for...

Just another day in Trying-To-Conceive Land

I haven't posted recently because honestly there isn't much to post. Hubby's butt is starting to feel less sore. And (until this morning) he was also feeling better. This morning he vomited but it may be a stomach bug that is going around. Overall, we think his body is getting used to the medication.

I called the doctor's office to find out how much an IUI would cost us. The lady didn't have the exact numbers in front of her, but she said that it was approximately $100 for the IUI and something less than $100 for the sperm wash.

We tried on our own (again) this month, so hopefully, we won't have to do an IUI. But with our track record, we're planning on an IUI next month. We're still not sure how the whole procedure will work, but at least we know it won't break the bank to try it.

I am once again in the 2 week wait. I guess because I know the chances of my being pregnant are so low, I haven't been paying too much attention to any twinges I may or may not be feeling. I think this cycle is another bust, but I suppose that miracles do happen every day!

I think I am going crazy

I started to spot brown yesterday. I am so frustrated with my body right now. My temp was higher this morning, 98.13. So, I took a FRER. Within 3 minutes there was a faint second line, but it was so faint I couldn't tell if there was color or not. All I can think is that it is an evap line of some kind. And of course now I am at work questioning whether or not it was an evap line or a faint BFP. I guess I will test again tomorrow. I think it's gonna be a BFN though with all of this spotting and not much in the way of symptoms.

Nervously awaiting

I want you
I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad
It's driving me mad
It's driving me mad

We're nervously awaiting hubby's next semen analysis. It's tomorrow morning. We're both trying hard not to think about it, but somehow it's possible outcome is all we can think about today. I keep telling myself (and hubby) that even if there is no improvement, it's not a big deal because he hasn't started the treatment yet. We know that mentally. But we also both know our hearts will be crushed with another utterance of "no sperm." We both want a child so badly...it's always on our minds.

Last week was such an odd week...lots of stress at work. I ovulated early but spotted for about 5 days around ovulation which totally threw me off. If hubby has some sperm in there, we timed things well, but my confidence in my own body is lower this month after all that spotting. I know a million different reasons for spotting, but it still doesn't comfort me. It didn't help that in the midst of my spotting I had to go to a party where I was once again the only childless woman. In a sea of moms, I sat there thinking about how my body was failing me once again and how I long for the things that these moms are complaining about.

So today, I have said about a million prayers...a prayer that we make it safely to the clinic...a prayer that hubby will be able to perform his test without an issue...a prayer that we will get good results...and as always...a prayer for conception to happen this month.

Just to make life more interesting...

I now have a cold. It has been going around the office and I managed to avoid it for awhile, but now my body has finally given in and decided to make my life hell...just as I am at my busiest point of the year. You know...already working my butt off to make a deadline and having something to do every night for the next 2 weeks. Thank you, body! Oh, and I am sure I will still have it when I am ovulating next week (just as DH is supposed to start abstaining for his SA.) Needless to say, I am not expecting a BFP this month. Hopefully, we'll get some good news with his SA and doctor's appointment!

Fortune cookies, mexican, and progesterone

My fortune cookie today said "Get ready for a life-changing event." I don't generally put much credence in fortune cookie messages, but let's face it...I am desperate for a sign that I am going to get a BFP soon. I don't think it is going to happen, but one can always hope.

Yesterday was a tough progesterone day. I was an odd combination of nauseous and desperately hungry at the same time for most of the day. I threw up once. Add on the fact that I thought my breasts may actually pop off of my chest from pain/pressure and you can imagine how shitty I felt. I keep telling myself it will all be worth it if I get a healthy baby out of this. I would gladly be sick every day for 9 months if I got to hold my child at the end of it. I truly do mean that.

Oh, and apparently progesterone makes me crave tacos. It was like this last month as well, but the craving has increased this month. I have had tacos 4 times in the last week and a half. I pounded down three tacos at a really good local Mexican place last night and threw one taco up when I got home. And what did I wake up craving again? Yes, tacos...apparently even up-chucking tacos does not make that craving go away. If I am pregnant, I am pretty sure a Mexican baby will pop out!

Rock Star

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I'm gonna be a star

First of all, I want to say my hubby is a rockstar...working through adverse conditions all in the name of having a baby. Despite a long day, he performed his duties like a champ. He totally made up for all the times that I was ovulating and he was sick/injured/too tired.

And my body is working like a rock star this month as well. I think I ovulated on DAY 14! Yippee! Don't know if it is the progesterone from last month or the new acupuncture points, but I'll just take it. If I ovulated yesterday, then I will begin my progesterone supplements on Sunday.

Like usual, I don't expect anything to come of all of our hard TTC work, but if there is any month that we might have a sliver of a chance, it's this month. Why? Because my estimated due date would be June 9, 2011 and my brother is getting married on June 17th and I am in his wedding. God's sick sense of humor would probably make me go into labor on his wedding day.

Why is it...

that hubby always gets sick just as I'm about to ovulate? (sigh) I feel bad for the guy. I think its just allergies kicking in, but he has a sore throat and congestion. And of course, my TTC obsessed mind is just screaming "No, not now! You can be sick in a couple of days...I'm ovulating NOW!" But of course I would never say that to him. It's not his fault he's not feeling well and quite frankly we don't know that he has any sperm in there anyway.

(Sigh) Why does life always work this way?