Nervously awaiting

I want you
I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad
It's driving me mad
It's driving me mad

We're nervously awaiting hubby's next semen analysis. It's tomorrow morning. We're both trying hard not to think about it, but somehow it's possible outcome is all we can think about today. I keep telling myself (and hubby) that even if there is no improvement, it's not a big deal because he hasn't started the treatment yet. We know that mentally. But we also both know our hearts will be crushed with another utterance of "no sperm." We both want a child so badly...it's always on our minds.

Last week was such an odd week...lots of stress at work. I ovulated early but spotted for about 5 days around ovulation which totally threw me off. If hubby has some sperm in there, we timed things well, but my confidence in my own body is lower this month after all that spotting. I know a million different reasons for spotting, but it still doesn't comfort me. It didn't help that in the midst of my spotting I had to go to a party where I was once again the only childless woman. In a sea of moms, I sat there thinking about how my body was failing me once again and how I long for the things that these moms are complaining about.

So today, I have said about a million prayers...a prayer that we make it safely to the clinic...a prayer that hubby will be able to perform his test without an issue...a prayer that we will get good results...and as always...a prayer for conception to happen this month.