I was alone, I took a ride
I didn't know what I would find there
Another road where maybe i
Could see another kind of mind there
It was a busy weekend. We babysat our nephews on Friday night. We always love to spend time with them. They make us laugh and remember why we are going through all of these tests and trials...so that one day we can have kids like them! Saturday night was a busy night at the restaurant. I didn't get home until close to midnight...needless to say, I slept in on Sunday.
Sunday...Mother's Day. We took my mom out to breakfast. I think she really enjoyed being able to spend time with us. When we got back I went to the grocery store for a few last minute items. The combination of the restaurant and the grocery store just seemed to bring me down. Everywhere I looked there were smiling moms with their kids. It was like an exclusive club that I am not allowed to join. And I so desperately want to. I want to be able to talk about how I didn't get any sleep last night because the baby kept me up, or the new milestones that the baby has achieved. I want to watch this little person develop their own personality...to see what they like and dislike. And right now...that just seems so far away. So, I had a little cry when I got back from the grocery store. Then I took a shower and pulled myself together before going over to my sister-in-law's for a Mother's Day dinner. There, once again, I played with my nephews. I am the only woman there who was not a mother and it was a bit painful...not because of anything anyone said or did...just because of my own awareness. But, I had a good time with family and friends. I don't want to hide or not participate...I don't want infertility to keep me from enjoying life. So I make myself get out there and do things...even if they aren't always comfortable.
The highlight of my day: When my nephew was giving me a good night hug and kiss he said "Auntie, come back and play with me later." It melted my heart that this little guy WANTED to spend time with me.
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The journey a of 30-something couple trying to conceive a child with infertility obstacles in our way... "Don't pass me by don't make me cry don't make me blue 'Cause you know darling I love only you" -The Beatles
About Me
- patiently waiting to be a mom
- I am a 31 year old female with a zest for life. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and trying to conceive for over 1 year. We have both been diagnosed with infertility issues. I have luteal phase deficiency and my husband has azoospermia due to testosterone replacement therapy. We're currently trying to overcome these issues with acupuncture while we wait to get into a specialist. Additionally, I am a huge Beatles fan, something I get from my dad! So, the quotes you see throughout here are all lyrics from Beatles songs.
Our infertility History
- March 11, 2011: Ultrasound Saw the string bean that is our baby. Yoke sac getting smaller. The heart rate is 163. Dr. says he is not concerned about the baby in the least!
- March 4, 2011: Beta #4 HCG 34,449, Progesterone 13. Saw gestational sac/yolk and heart beat. The heart rate is 133 bpm.
- February 23, 2011: Beta #3 HCG 4810, Progesterone 12. Saw gestional sac/yolk on ultrasound...measuring perfectly.
- February 16, 2011: Beta#2 HCG 619, Progesterone 13.7
- February 14, 2011: Beta #1 HCG 296, Progesterone 12
- Februrary 11, 2011: OMG...I got a BFP!!!! We're totally shocked!!!!
- January 28, 2011: First meeting with Dr. Castelbaum (Reproductive Endocrinologist). He suggests IUI with femara, ovidrel and progesterone supplements.
- Dec 6, 2010: IUI # 1 - natural cycle...BFN.
- October 2010: Dh's latest SA showed 23 million, 57% motility, 23% Oval morphology . Started 2000 units of hCG 3x week on Oct 30, 2010 to increase testosterone levels and sperm count. I have HSG scheduled for November 5th.
- August 2010: I start 200 mg of Prometrium for LPD.
- June 2010: Hubby visits MFI endocrinologist. Suspects hypogonadism. Hubby goes off testosterone replacement therapy. In 8 weeks has to get monthly blood tests until next appointment in October 2010. Hubby will also have to get an SA done. In October it is anticipated that hubby will begin HCG shots to restore fertility and testosterone levels. I revisited my gyn. The plan is to do 100mg of clomid + progesterone IUI when hubby makes enough sperm.
- April 2010: Start TCM herbal formulas. Additionally, hubby has ultrasound of testes to determine if there are any structural isses. FINALLY get an appointment with MFI endcrinologist!
- March 2010: Halfway through the month hubby and I start acpuncture. We change our diets per acupuncturist. Hubby has follow-up SA; 5 sperm are found.
- February 2010: Hubby has MRI of pituitary and hypothalmus glands. All structurally ok.
- January 2010: Hubby has follow-up SA. Shows only one sperm. Recommended he see an endocrinologist to address issues. Hubby sees general endocrinologist (Dr. S.) who is monitoring him and recommends a MFI endocriologist at U of P. In the meantime, puts hubby on a LOW-dosage of testosterone to keep hubby's bones from damage.
- December 2009-January 2010: I take 100 mg of clomid per my GYN. Results in Day 17 ovulation. BFN.
- November 2009-December 2009: I take 50 mg of clomid per my GYN. GYN says we need to make me ovulate better in order to take care of the LPD. He also thinks DH's sperm count should be back up. Resulted in my ovulating on day 18 and BFN.
- November 2009: I am diagnosed with a luteal phase defect after charting for 9 months. I usually ovulate on day 20-25 and have approximately an 8 day luteal phase.
- June 2009: Follow-up appointment for SA shows zero sperm due to testosterone replacment therapy. Hubby discontinues testosterone. Told that his sperm count should come right back within 3 months and to continue TTC. Schedules follow-up SA.
- March 2009: Hubby diagnosed with low testosterone. At that time his count was 40 million. Began testosterone replacement therapy.
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