Blah Friday...

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

I don't know why, I am just having a down day. I am waiting to ovulate, but I honestly don't think that this cycle will be any different than the others. It will end in spotting and disappointment. Hubby and I are doing our thing and maybe one day we'll have a nice surprise at the end of a cycle, but today, I just don't feel optimistic. Hell, at this point, I don't even feel like I am going to ovulate any time soon. Today I just wish I could stay st home and lounge around in my PJS, eat ice cream, and watch terrible Lifetime movies that make my life look like a cake walk.

I had a good acupuncture appointment. I definitely felt a lot of swirling and heaviness in my body, particularly my pelvic area. I told my acupuncturist that I am seeing my doctor next week about progesterone supplements and he doesn't seem to happy with that. I think he wants me to hold off and see if the herbs work, but I have been trying that. My gut is that I need these supplements to have a normal cycle, so I am going with my gut and asking my doctor if I can start them now instead of waiting for my IUI. I am tired of the spotting and short cycles. I am just tired. Acupuncture has been great for making me ovulate earlier, but it hasn't helped with the spotting. I am tired of living this way. Now I have to see if my doctor agrees, but if he is okay with it, I am starting the progesterone. It can't hurt to try, right?

Additionally, I think I am feeling a little nervous/upset with the thought of going to my nephews 3rd birthday party. I just feel so out of place there. Everyone else is a mom, talking about mom things. I am literally the only one without kids. And it hurts to stand there and listen to them. I will go for my nephew...I LOVE him to pieces, but honestly, I just don't want to stay long. I know its not good to be in my little shell too much, but sometimes I have to do it to protect me. Sometimes it just hurts too much to be WITH everyone else in their fertile world. We're supposed to go to the shore with hubby's family the following weekend. Honestly, I just don't want to go. I am sure I will have fun with the kids, but I just feel like being selfish right now and not going. There is tension because of family drama that I just don't want to deal with. My mother-in-law tends to be controlling. The kids remind me of what I am missing in my life. Maybe I will feel better about it next week, but right now, the thought of going makes me want to cry.