Run-ins with people who don't understand

See the people standing there who
Disagree and never win
And wonder why they don't get in my door.

Sometimes I just don't understand why people can't accept certain things about my work schedule. It is a fact that I work 6 days a week. It is a fact that I work at a minimum 50 hours in a week. Now, I am not one to dictate when anyone should plan a party, get-together, or other gathering. It often happens that someone plans a party on a Saturday night...when I work...and I simply say, "Thanks for the invite, but unfortunately, I have to work." I DO NOT expect anyone to shift their plans to meet my schedule. I am not that self-centered. It is my choice to work these hours. And I do not expect anyone to move their schedules around to have me attend any event.

If I can take off to attend an event, then I will. However there are two things that are involved with taking off:

1) I have to find someone to cover my shift. It is not the type of job where I can simply call and say I will not be in on such and such date. I have to find someone to be there and get it approved by management, or my butt has to be there at the time of my shift. There are very few exceptions to that rule...most of which involve being either hospitalized or dead.

2) Can I afford to take off? I have been paying for acupuncture appointments, fertility treatments, fertility medications, etc. with this extra money. And every dollar does count when you are looking at dropping $200/month for 1 medication alone...let alone a cycle of ultrasounds, various medications, at least 1 ultrasound, and blood tests. Unfortunately, our insurance doesn't pay for a whole lot with regards to fertility treatments. By my working this extra night a week, it helps to ease the burden of our infertility expenses while still allowing us to continue to save some money for our future. And at this point in our lives...we will do anything it takes to make our dreams of a child come true.

Most people are understanding that this is my work schedule. Most realize that I work 6 days a week...if you want to see me, then it is best to try to get together on a week night (assuming I am not working late) or Sunday (which is my only day off). But we do have a few people who just never seem to understand that this second job is a REAL job. I have to be there. Instead, these people plan an event and when I cannot come, give me a guilt trip over the fact that I am not able to attend. Granted, they didn't ask me before planning the event if I would be able to get off that day. It wasn't like they told me a date and I said I would get off from work and be there and then never showed up. I really do try to compromise. If your event starts an hour before I have to go to work and it is feasible, then I will be there for that hour and then go off to work. If I can come after work (which usually doesn't happen because I don't get home until 11pm or so), then I will do that as well. I am tired of dealing with the guilt trips. They need to stop.

I am also tired of people who know of our fertility struggles and just dismiss them. Look, I don't expect you to totally understand how I feel, but you can at least figure that maybe I am under a little more stress with this infertility business. My husband and I are BOTH having our bodies pumped up with hormones that make us feel like poo at times. At least realize that maybe I don't want to hang out with a room full of babies on a tough infertility day...maybe that is REALLY painful for both me and my husband. And I do this for you...often...because I want to spend time with you. I swallow down the pain I am feeling. But every now and then, I just need a day free of reminders. I know you think things are just going to magically work out for us, but the reality is that we HAVE to do fertility treatments if we want to full-fill our dreams of being parents. These treatments take a lot out of you. And when you are paying each month for a shot of having a baby, you're going to do whatever it is you feel is going to give you the best chance. So, sorry that I am not calling and having you over for dinner once a week. It is not that I wouldn't love to have you here and cook for you. It is that I am exhausted from the drugs, the stress, and my work schedule and I feel like my body needs to rest for the day (or evening) to give it the best chance possible of conceiving the child that we so desire. It is nothing personal. We are just going through a tough time right now on the physical and mental level. It would be nice if you could understand that and be supportive instead of adding to the stress level with your passive aggressive behavior. I just don't need it. I know in your world everything revolves around you and your needs. Just realize that I am trying to take care of myself right now and if I can I will do as you wish.

I also wanted to say to the people who really support both me and my husband in our fertility issues (and my work schedule) that I really do appreciate you being in our life. You have made the burden on our shoulders a little lighter. I love you!