16 weeks 6 days...where did the time go?

I have no idea where all the time has gone, but I woke up one day and realized that I was 16 weeks! I guess I am so busy trying to survive morning sickness as well as work a 50-60 hour week that I just don't realize how much time has passed.

I had my 16 week appointment last Wednesday. I did the usual pee in the cup, step on the scale, and blood pressure taken. All was good. The doctor found the baby's heartbeat...it was in the 140s. All is looking good.

I asked about hubby's blood work. About a month before, he went and got his blood drawn so that it could be typed. Since I am B negative, we need to know what his blood type is to determine if I need to get a shot at 24 weeks and at the birth. Apparently, the lab did the WRONG blood test, so he has to go and get the blood work done again! (Needless to say, he is none to pleased at the prospect, but he'll do whatever he has to for me and the baby.) Apparently the lab checked his red and white blood cell count instead of actually typing his blood.

Additionally, hubby has gone off the Hcg shots (with the permission of his doctor.) He is going through MAJOR withdrawal symptoms right now including dizziness, migraines, and irritability. You can tell he just feels like poop. I truly wish that there was something I could do to make him feel better. (Although he says the same to me when I am puking in the mornings.) The doctor is having him go for blood draws 1x month for the next few months to see what his body does on its own. And if (and when) hubby begins to feel tired again, then he is to call and the doctor will put him on a low dose of androgel to help him maintain a healthy testosterone level. Hopefully hubby will be through the worst of it soon. As he says, it was worth it to be on that medication because now we're having a baby!

I am still experiencing morning sickness although it is not every day anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I am going to have morning sickness through the whole pregnancy (like my grandmother.) Even if I do, it will be totally worth it if this baby comes out healthy. This morning was pretty rough. I will spare you the details, but it involved lots of vomit and a nose bleed.

It's starting to be uncomfortable when I sleep now. I wake up multiple times a night to switch positions. My arms and legs sometimes feel a bit restless as well. Sleeping on my tummy and back aren't really an option anymore...it hurts too much. I just sleep on my side now.

I had a lot of cramping yesterday, but it seemed to go away. I read that the baby is hitting a growth spurt right now...I think all the cramping was everything growing to make some room for the baby! I read that this coming week the baby will be 5 inches long and weight 5 ozs (the same as a turnip.) It is so hard to believe that our little speck has turned into a 5 inch long baby!

I cannot wait until our next ultrasound. I have it at 20 weeks exactly (June 8th.) Hubby is able to come with me to this one. I cannot wait to see how big the baby is now and what the baby is capable of doing (ie sucking its thumb, making facial gestures, etc.)I love watching the baby move! I also just need the reassurance that the baby is growing well in there. This morning sickness has made it hard to eat anything all that healthy. I try to when I can, but on the days when I am really sick, I am just happy to get anything down at all. Even though I am almost 17 weeks, my weight is still only up 3 lbs. I know its okay and that I will gain it through the rest of the second and third trimesters but I still worry that the baby isn't getting everything it needs.

We're still on Team Green, so we don't plan on finding out the sex at the 20 week ultrasound (much to the dismay of our family and friends). We're just hoping that the baby isn't an exhibitionist. We don't want to accidentally find out. In my purely evil mind, I have thought about sending out an email after our ultrasound with the subject of "We're having a..." with the text continuing on to say "a healthy baby!" with a picture or two from the ultrasound. I know a couple people who would be so excited when they see that subject...it's evil I know, but sometimes it is fun to just mess with people!

15 weeks 4 days: My almost-a-Mother's day

"It's getting better all the time..."

My first "Almost-a-mother's" Day was fantastic. Yes, I did still have some morning sickness. (I do think it is starting to get better...I don't vomit EVERY DAY now...just some days.) I think that was the baby's way of saying "Hi, mom! I'm still in here...don't worry that you killed me! Have a good day!"

After speaking to various family members relaying Happy Mother's Day wishes, my husband and I picked up my mom and took her out to a Mother's Day breakfast. When we got back, my hubby asked me what I wanted to do to celebrate. I of course replied...clean out the baby's room...organize the basement a bit more. So, hubby and I headed out to Target, got some cube shelf storage with fabric totes for the basement. We are going to use that to hold various toys. Then we worked on cleaning out the baby's room as well as organizing the basement. It was a lot of work, but the results are fabulous. I can now fit baby furniture in...and the basement is also looking a lot less of a mess as well!

It's supposed to be nice over the next few days, so I think I am going to try to get outside and plant some flowers and do some weeding. Later in the week, I am going to try to work on the baby book!

Saying Goodbye

My grandfather passed away early Saturday morning. He had been in hospice care since Tuesday afternoon due to stage 4 and stage 3 cancers throughout his body. In addition he was septic from a perforated bowel.

I knew the instant the phone rang what I was going to hear. It was news that brought both sadness and relief. Relief that he didn't have to labor breathing anymore or feel any pain. Sadness that I was saying goodbye to a wonderful man who had always shown us such love.

My last conversation with him was about the baby. I had just had my 12 week ultrasound done and I went over to show him it. He was SO excited to see those pictures. He was thrilled that he was finally going to be a great-grandfather. He suffered short term memory loss, but remembered that he saw the photos and told my grandmother to see me...that I had pictures of the baby to show her. The baby left quite an impression.

I am sad that he will never get to hold his great-grandchild. Or see his grandson get married in June. But I am glad that he doesn't have to suffer a slow painful death from the cancer. I have been on that journey with other family members. I know he is in heaven looking down on us. I know he will be watching over our child.

I do believe that things happen for a reason. When we went to hubby's endocrinologist appointment last week, we found out that his count hadn't gone up much. So, basically we have a miracle baby...one that is meant to bring our family joy when we have such sorrow this year. One generation left this earth but another generation is on its way to join us.

Now I just need to get through the viewing tonight and the funeral tomorrow. I dread these things...I am a person who deals with grief privately. And I still have some morning sickness...so hopefully I can get through the next two days gracefully.

I love you, grandpop! Thank you for always taking such good care of our family. I have so many happy memories with you...I will always love and miss you, but I celebrate your return to heaven.

Sorrow and joy

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

This last week has been a blur. My grandfather had to have emergency surgery for an obstructed bowel on Monday. When they went in, they found the bowel had perforated, leaving him septic, and they discovered that cancer was ALL over the walls of his abdomen. When he came out of surgery, they had him on a ventilator and kept him sedated as the pain would be too much for him. He has yet to regain consciousness despite the doctors turning off the sedation, and his body is shutting down. His kidney and liver don't seem to be functioning any more.

The decision was made today to end his life support (as per my grandfather's wishes). The doctor has already told us that there is nothing that they can do for his cancer. It would be a painful death. His body is already shutting down. Machines are the only thing keeping him alive. So, today, they are going to take him off the ventilator, keep him comfortable with morphine and let nature take its course.

I went to visit him last night. Even though he is unconscious, I talked to him. I spoke to him about what we did for my birthday that day, names we were thinking of for the baby, fun times that we shared together. It's funny, when I was talking to him, his ventilator kept setting off alarms. When I stopped and everyone else joined the room, no alarms went off at all. I guess that was Grandpop's way of telling me he heard me.

I am not sure how long he will last. The doctor thinks it will only be 24-72 hours, but no one can be sure. It could be weeks, it could be hours. I pray for everyone's sake that he goes quickly.

Maybe this is why our journey to conceive took so long...maybe God wanted us to have new life coming into the family as one was leaving....some joy to help the pain. I know that my grandfather was so excited when I showed him the ultrasound pictures at our last meeting. He had trouble with his memory, but he remembered that I showed him pictures of the baby because he told my grandmother when she joined us. That's my last memory of a conversation with him...him being SO excited about the baby...

Great Joy. Great Sorrow. I pray that he goes quickly into the arms of Jesus...he won't have to suffer any more.

NT Scan & a busy weekend

Last week I had my NT scan. It was great to see our little one again. The baby was kicking its little legs all over the place. We even watched it turn. We saw a nose, hands and feet! I am so in love with this little one. Everyone keeps telling me they are sorry that I am so sick. Quite frankly the throwing up/nausea just don't bother me. I am so happy to be carrying this little one. I can deal with anything if it means that this baby will come out healthy!

This weekend was quite busy. My brother and future sister-in-law were in for wedding meetings (flowers, etc.) I had (or at least attempted to eat) dinner with my brother on Friday night. Saturday I went clothes shopping with my mother-in-law as my birthday gift. Saturday night I worked from 4 until 11:30. Sunday I got up, had breakfast with my brother and future sister-in-law and then threw the bridal shower for my future SIL! Everything turned out great for the shower, but after this weekend, I am exhausted.

On top of that, my grandfather is quite ill. They are doing surgery this afternoon for a bowel obstruction. I am praying that all goes well.

My first official OB appointment

Ring my friend, I said you call Doctor Robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, Doctor Robert

On Friday, I have my first OB appointment with Dr. S. It was a long appointment...almost 2 hours. I spent most of that filling out paperwork with a nurse. After the obligatory step on the scale and blood pressure reading (both of which as fine), I finally got to see the doctor.

Dr. S came in and gave me a big hug! "You did it!" He said. He went on to read a letter from Dr. Castelbaum. The letter explained how we came for a consultation vist. At that visit, he saw that I was getting ready to ovulate and sent us home with instructions to be intimate. And then, the later states, "lightening struck and Dawn became pregnant with a singleton." He literally wrote in the letter that "lightening struck!".

After a routine pap smear, Dr. S sat down with me and went over all the do's and don'ts...which I kind of already knew. He scheduled me for an ultrasound on April 13 and gave me scripts for a billion blood tests.

The only scary part of the exam was that the nurse couldn't find the heartbeat at first. It was only when she handed over the doppler to the doctor that it was found (and that was after he did a bit of searching.) Apparently the baby loves to move away from the doppler!

Hubby can't take off from work for the next ultrasound, so I am going to bring my mother along. She is thrilled that she will get to see the baby!

11 weeks pregnant

It is so crazy to think that I am 11 weeks pregnant. I am almost done with the first trimester. While at times I feel like the day is never going to end (mostly due to morning sickness), this pregnancy is really going by fast. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real that I am going to be a mommy!

I have officially graduated from Doctor Castelbaum's office. I go to my first OB appointment on Friday. I am really hoping that the doctor finds the heartbeat on the doppler. I am in total withdrawal now that I am no longer having weekly ultrasounds. I need some sort of sign that the baby is doing well in there. I have this constant fear that I am going to get bad news. I have even had some nightmares about it. I guess that is the infertility still talking.

I am making some progress on the nursery. I cleaned out the closet. It is now free for baby paraphernalia. I just need to finish cleaning out the random stuff sitting in the nursery (some toys that my nephews play with, a random bookshelf, and the dog's crate) and then I think we're all set to start to start bringing baby items into the room. I am lucky in that a friend is giving me a crib. It was only used for about 6 months at her mom's house and is in BRAND new condition. It is the exact crib style and color that I wanted. We just need to find a dresser and then I can start going through all the baby hand me downs that we have been given. When I am further along I will register, but honestly, I don't think we really need all that much stuff!

So, without further ado...here is the crib we'll be using:


And here is the bedding: