All things must pass

All things must pass
none of life's strings can last.
So I must be on my way,
face another day.

It was a frustrating weekend. I worked a 12.5 hour shift at the restaurant on Saturday with a bus person who tried, but was slow and an expo who was nothing but rude to me and the other waitresses. I have to admit...it put me in a bad mood. Hubby was away so luckily he didn't have to deal with my mood!

Sunday, my old friend (spotting) started again. I know I can't expect changes all at once and at least I had progress with ovulation this time. And I am happy that I have seen some changes. It's just that the spotting is so frustrating. I am pretty sure that my period will be here if not by the end of the day, then by tomorrow. I am trying to focus on the positive this cycle. But I can't help but be a little sad every time I start to spot. It means that Aunt Flow will be rearing her ugly head yet again and I have another month of disappointment. At this point I am not even asking to be pregnant...I would just love to have a completely normal cycle.

My 31st birthday is Sunday. I am trying really hard to let go of preconceptions I had about my life. I thought by this birthday I would already have a baby or at least be pregnant. And I think what bothers me the most is that I just don't know if I will be feeling the same way next year. My 30th year wasn't exactly the best of times. My husband got laid off twice (and is still unemployed though he is working hard to find another job), we ran into major infertility issues which are still unresolved, and quite frankly, I am just tired. I am trying to let go of this disappointment and be excited for the coming year. I mean...who knows what this year will bring? It may bring everything I have ever dreamed of. It may be when I have my first normal cycle since I came off birth control. It may be the year in which our child is conceived. It may be the year DH finds a job where he will remain until he retires...you just never know. I know I need to have more faith in God's plan for us. I know a child is in our future...I am just not sure exactly how or when.